Ooh, my favorite!

When I grow up
April 26, 2010, 1:16 pm
Filed under: Personal

Me, a long time ago.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to be when I grow up, and suddenly a series of events have made this question so much bigger. Friends, I have news. BIG, crazy news. I’ve been debating on whether or not I was ready to share this with the world, but I’ve decided that it’s such a big part of my life lately and it will ultimately affect everything that I want to be, so there’s no point in hiding it.

I have left my job, and there’s not a single ounce of me that regrets it! Ahh, that felt great to say out loud.

I’ve been a Web project manager at two of the worlds largest and most well-known companies, and as excited as I was to form a career and kick some ass, I was never able to get used to the corporate culture. There are too many reasons to mention, but one of the biggest reasons was that it just wasn’t satisfying, and it was just too political and had that “watch your back” mentality. I posted once before on the horrors of my job, and still words cannot express how utterly toxic and unhealthy the environment was, and how belittling and cruel my manager and director were.

One day last month on the way to work I had a full-fledged meltdown in the car, and suddenly it dawned on me: “What the f*** Natira, you’re not supposed to cry with your co-workers on a weekly basis. And you’re not supposed to have a panic-attack before you meet with your manager. And good grief, you’re definitely not supposed to come home at the end of the day and take your frustrations out on the one that loves you most! This is wrong and you know it, so DO SOMETHING!” An immediate call to mom for some support, and by the time I made it into the office we decided that my notice was going in that day. Oh my God, instantly I felt the knot in my stomach loosen. (We also decided that we’d wait to tell dad. For those of you with an Asian dad, you understand. And I do say that with all the love in the world!)

I realized you do the things you have to for so long, that you don’t often stop to think about the things you want to do. I went to school, got good grades, and found a job because I had to. And while I’m thankful for many of the benefits that came with my job, they never really added up to being blissfully happy at work, especially when you consider how much of our self-worth we associate with what we do as a career. I can say now that I’m on my way though, and while being completely unemployed is scary and crazy, I know that it’s up to me to create a wonderful and meaningful way to support myself. I have some ideas I’m researching now, and I will do everything I can to achieve this vision I have in my mind. So here’s to finding yourself, living your best life, and avoiding sucky people along the way!

PS. The first pic of me here on the site. I hear this hairstyle is coming back…have you seen Heidi Klum lately?

7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Congratulations Natira! What a great leap you’ve taken. It’s so good to get out of toxic environments and to life a life you enjoy.

Comment by heidi

Thanks so much Heidi. I come visit your site all the time and it’s like a little getaway for me, it’s so cozy and warm.

Comment by Natira

Ahhh! yay! love your story and totally relate. toxic is a great word and i too felt this immediate relief and happiness the second i cut the cord.

so excited for us both.

Comment by Sandhya

So exciting! Glad to know you made a change too. Suckyness at work affects so much. I can’t wait to hear how your free time is going.

Comment by Natira

You rock Tira!!

Comment by Mari

Good for you. I always turn to my mom whenever I need advice. Moms are so wise. Now you’ll be able to focus on who you are and what you want. So many people never do this. It takes courage. Again, I’m happy for you and I hope you have a great weekend.

Comment by Des

Thanks so much Des, it’s always nice to hear words of encouragement. It’s intimidating even all these weeks later, so reading this was a good boost of energy.

Comment by Natira

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